I'm tired of living life a fool ...

My heart is so full today.  The Lord is stretching my heart past its edges these days.  It hurts.

But today I say to my God and to you ... I surrender.

I give to Him, the Maker of all that I am and ever hope to be, all the "junk"  I am holding onto.  Maybe it isn't junk in His eyes. Maybe it's a blessing in disguise, a treasure worth a thousand fold, or the one thorn that will bring me closer to him.  To me it feels like a heavy weight, a burden I would like to pass on, a heart-renching pain I would rather be without.

I touched on this in a blog post last month - praying for the courage to follow God's lead - no matter where it takes us.  How can I find courage when I feel anything but strong enough?  Wasn't that Joshua's hearts cry?  Courage seems to be one of those things, like trust, that you have to act on it before you feel it.  God wants us to just trust Him enough to be willing to walk the path we wants us to.

I saw the movie Courageous last week.  It was amazing!  And an amazing roller coaster of emotions too.  We went from fear to sorrow to laughing so hard we could hardly sit in our seats and then back again.  The message is powerful and UNMISTAKEABLE. God is the only answer.

So if God is the only answer for them, I have to trust that He is the only answer for me.  God is the only one capable of getting me through the maze of my 'junk'.


Laura Story has a song called Blessings.  The chorus says this:

What if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

What if God wants this exact junk in my life so He can make me into the person He created me to be?  Who am I to question His plan?  So, I acccept it Lord, even if it hurts.  I embrace it, even if I must not know where it will take me.  Give me courage Lord to surrender it all to you.

To encourage you if you are struggling with His choice of "blessing" in your life I have a song for you.
It is Jeremy Camp - a chance for me to share one of my favorite artists with you.  (He is coming to Breakforth Canada in January - in case I haven't told you yet ... today.)


I have included two videos.  The first is Jeremy Camp's own devotional for the song.  The second one is the song.  Pick one or watch both.  I did!