Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Chapter fifteen, page two

It felt like forever.  Time ticked away but hardly a heartbeat joined it.  We sat there immobilized in our fears.  Then Quinn wiped his face and leaned back onto the carpet staring up to the ceiling.

Softly whispered words came from his motionless frame.   “Why are you here?”

“Me?”  I quietly asked.

“Yes.  Why are you here Cathie?  Why are you feeding me information about my future, but it is all too late?"  He voice rose in decibels climaxing with his last two hurtful words.

Quinn didn’t wait for my answer before he swiftly pulled out his cell phone.  I watched as he dialled and then held the phone to his ear.  He spoke in French requesting to be directed to the third floor.  I knew he was calling the hospital to check on Anna.

After the conversation was over, he put away his phone and quickly stood to his feet.  I could not read his face.  Other than his anger tightened jaw and his red eyes there was nothing new there.

“What did they say?” I asked cautiously.

“I have to go.”  He said.

“Quinn, what did the hospital say about Anna?”

For the first time since my awful revelation he looked into my eyes.  He looked truly into my eyes deep.  “She is resting peacefully.”

I released my pent-up air in relief. 

“For now.”  He added hesitantly.

I reached for his hand, but he didn’t move.

“Cathie, I apologize if my words hurt you.  I hope you know that nothing that has happened here is your fault.  You believe that, right?  Because I do.”

I nodded.

“I just cannot make any sense of any of it.  Why would God do all this? What purpose does it hold?” 
“I don’t know.”  I shrugged.
"If He is trying to break me, I think he may have succeeded." Then Quinn headed for the door looking lost in his own grief.  I recognized that walk.

There were no words to say.  God seemed to have let both of us down.  Just like after Mitch’s death, He was choosing to be silent.  No words could repair the hurts Quinn feels.  The open wounds he's carrying need time, not words.

When Quinn reached the doorway he pushed on the door but it didn’t budge.  Then I heard the thud as his head hit the wooden panel.  And then again.

I stood and stepped towards him, but Quinn abruptly spun around to face me.  He shortened the distance between us in an instant before I had time to prepare.  Suddenly I was in his arms.  His pain and grief wrapped around me and squeezed.

So I squeezed back.

It was comforting to know that it wasn’t me that his anger was for.  That despite all the meaningless drivel I had fed him over the last few hours about God’s love and God’s plan, that Quinn still wanted me with him. 

We stood there in each other’s arms for several minutes before he began to loosen his hold.

“I want to stay and talk with you and hold you, but I really need to be at the hospital in case your vision is true.”

“Do you want to do that alone?”

His head shook no but his mouth said yes.

Then he kissed my cheek and walked out my door again.

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